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Football Match of Supporting The Senior
发布时间:2015-10-18 13:54:04 作者:袁露菲  发布者:JeanNo3 浏览次数:1828  类别:英文作文  
[大学五年级] 辽宁省 >> 沈阳市 >> 新城子区 >> 虎石台街


Desperate and miserable, an old father is kicked out like a football from one to another among his daughter and sons who are separately acting as goalkeepers. And the four children in the cartoon, trying to escape from showing filial piety to their dad, their behaviours epitomises the current situation of many aging people who are mistreated.
Examples to prove the view are abundant. One piece of social news lately revealed that a retired professor was abandoned on balcony for several days, undignified and naked, for his offsprings were unwilling to help their poor father. Except the neglecting, some children even shirk their duty of financially supporting their helpless parents.
To improve this kind of heart-broken condition. Effective laws and regulations should be legislated as soon as possible to severely punish those who lack the sense of responsibilities. In addition, the young ought to be cultivated the awareness of respecting the senior, which has long been a traditional virtue of Chinese culture. Only in this way can human beings assure a brighter future.

教师点评:
  • 批改教师:王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
    批改时间:2015/10/23 8:53:40
    点评指数:
    点评内容:

    Desperate and miserable, an old father is kicked out as (like) a football from one to another among his daughter and sons who are separately acting as goalkeepers. And the four children in the portrayal (过于正式,改为picture), trying to escape from being (showingresponsible for taking care of (不准确,改为filial piety孝道;孝心to their dad. what they do to their blood relation (改为their behaviors更简洁)epitomises the current situation of many aging people (the old) who are mistreated.

    Examples to prove the view are abundant. One piece of social news lately revealed that a retired professor was abandoned on balcony for several days, with no dignity (and前后并列相同的成份,可以把dignity改为它的反义形容词undignified) and naked, for his offsprings were unwilling to help (support赡养) their poor father. Except for the neglecting, some citizens (太宽泛,改为children,意为“一些子女”)even shirk their duty of financially supporting their helpless and unhealthy parents.
    To improve this kind of heart-brokenable condition. Effective laws and regulations should be made (不准确,改为legislated,意为立法)as soon as possible to severely punish those who lack the sense of responsibilities. In addition, the young ought to be cultivated the awareness of respecting the senior (old), which has long been a traditional virtue of Chinese culture. Only in this way can human beings assure a brighter future (有些牵强,生拉硬扯).

          今后写文章还是要在选词的准确性上多下功夫。

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